faizis

his teacher emailed me some pictures from their recent trip to the children’s garden;

how do we do this self managed parenting ?
(at least for the weekends and evenings when we take over)

it’s dinner time, mak (that’s me) having dinner with arshad in his seat having his dinner…or was suppose to be having..
and the conversation at the table went something like this.

‘arshad, please use the spoon.”
“do you want me to feed you?” took up his spoon, but that move was followed by a shrill scream.
‘okay fine, feed yourself”

‘arshad, eat your rice. not only the ayam pleaasseee…”

“stop playing with your fooood…..”

“yaaanng….can you scold him… he’s playing with his fooood!!!'’
eyed the spouse who was reading the newspaper coz he had already fullfilled his time entertaining the boy, and needed his own time alone for awhile..

the spouse mouthed the words “‘arshad, eat. stop play….”

too late. boy took up his plate, overturned the entire content on the table, soup and rice dripped all over the chair and his pants.

since we dont have a helper to help spoonfeed his meals amongst many things a helper would do to help as part of the “path of least resistance” styled parenting as they call it in the papers recently…maybe it is silly, even foolish of us to take the harder ‘he wont learn till he makes the mistakes (and mess!)’ track..

at a recent party;

mak chatted with another guest ‘we should meet up more often….’
..while eyeing the boy whom she had let run around barefooted, and let him play coz she didnt really want to hover around and be a helicopter parent….and of coz also there was no helper to do the hovering for..

she has developed a third eye, though sometimes this also fail her..but at that moment, from the corner of her eyes, she saw the sweaty , hair-all-wet boy bending down and picking grains of rice that had spilled on the floor of the public hall, which he then put into his mouth..

“okay gottogoget that boy now!”

heaven forbid that he wont be getting a case of hfmd! and let’s just hope what doesnt kill him will make him stronger!

times like these, i wonder whether we are in the right frame of mind even to start trying for #2.

okay, i eat my words.

we got the reproduction from lorgan’s. coz obviously we dont have that kind of money to get the fritzhansen licensed arn.e.jac.obse.n one.

the only thing i wasnt sure about at first was the colour (had another colour in mind). but this reproductin is close to perfect, and arshad loves it too.

in lifetstyle reflect today, something i had wanted to say..but of coz better said here by a professional writer;

“One day, I will suddenly notice a flower has emerged or the leaves have grown longer. Or even more amazingly, they have turned ever so slightly in their pots to show you a new side that you have never seen before.

It is a kind of slo-mo interaction that reminds you that life is not always about beating deadlines and instant gratification. It is about stopping every once in a while to notice a change that would normally have passed you by. And it is not so much the changing but the stopping that matters.’
-pretty as a pitcher plant. igna.tius.lo.w

i can’t wait for next weekend actually coz we enjoyed the exhibits the last time.

Singapore Garden Festival
25 Jul-1 Aug
Suntec Convention Ctr

think i’ve officially turned into a gardening auntie!

i watched a videoclip at work that moved me, and i swore i have watched things like that before. but this time the reaction was different.

i watched the dark knight, and he.ath.ledg.er was luminous, and made me think, if there is anything i would like to be remembered for, let it be something good. good is good enough for me.

later on i watched atonement on dvd, and wish that somethings could be different. you could live with a bunch of lies but that will make you end up all alone.

and then…there we were.. all set together in the car today, and i saw the face of happiness and saw what it meant.

it’s been quite heady so i think i am going to stop here for now.

i just sat in for a meeting today, and gave a nod to something which is going to happen end of this year, which meant a no to bozy for something as cool as this. i would want to do both, but i dont want to do both too, because i dont want to part for too long with the apple of my eye,the bushuk boy.

and of coz, we want to try for #2. and should #2 project be a success, i guess that nod has to be cancelled too.

i know i want to do all these things, not for some sort of validation from others (especially the #2 project), but for me. i want to do all these things (to be with my son is a big want too), just as much.

what did i tell ya, i am SO indecisive!

this is what i learnt in science/bio class in secondary school long time ago, flowers are the reproductive parts of the plants that help to ensure the continuation of the species…and of course also for human enjoyment.

when there is pollination, and fertilization (all these happen by a few ways, sometimes with the help of some of god’s small creatures, and happen within the different parts of the flowers..but dont ask me the details ..i dont really remember my biology that well)

..then the flowers will eventually wilt, the petals drop off and the plants start to bear fruits..

i enjoy my little balcony garden, in parts because it is so wonderful to observe these small little things, and see growth. almost like a birth of something new. in another update , both my orchid plants are flowering

this term is going to a very short and a very busy one for me. i see less blogging activity here..

but some things in the news which has always been brought up time and again till no end..
just to share;

on babies and more

“It’s interesting, the Singapore family dynamics. Kids deal with so many adults in their lives.

So the nuclear family has extended to absorb not only the unmarried uncles and aunts, but also the maids.

“It’s very different in Manhattan, New York, where you see parents doing the work with no help. I don’t know whether it’s Asian or very Singaporean, that you delegate the work to the domestic helper.

It’s a managed approach.’

i guess i am one who get by with the managed approach. for now its the cc and the grandparents. if you are one who dont want to forgo a fulfilling career,i am not sure how else we can get by.

need more help?

take note however…

“In Sweden, parents get, among other things, 13 months of parental leave. The generous policies are funded by a 25 per cent goods and services tax and a 56 per cent tax on top earners,”

this is arshad lying down watching tv on the couch, head against my chest. kinda bawah ketiak mak..hahah (under my armpits!).

this is one of the things i love about the weekends, when time is less hurried, and we can spend it doing nothing.

4 am this morning, i was stirred out of sleep by some quick movements at my feet..i thought i was dreaming, that some big rat was scampering up my feet..the big rat turned out to be arshad ..who had woken up and was looking for me.

i let him be manja with me because i know after awhile, when he is bigger and older, he would want to leave and fly off like many young men i know. i was also told, by a history teacher, that mother-son relationships are important..and many pyschotic men in history have had unhealthy relationship with their moms..haha..so we’ll work on that, and the father-son bonding of course too.